Don’t Sit Down
Baby Girl,
I asked you to describe what you are seeing three times now, and three times you have described the same thing to Me and stopped at the same point. Have you made note of what you are seeing?
Yes.
You’re laying in your bed with your eyes closed. Where are you taking notes?
On my phone.
Look at your phone. Where are your notes?
You grabbed your phone and laid it next to your head, but you didn’t write anything. When you hear Me speaking, get up and start writing.
It’s 1:22 AM. I didn’t want to interrupt our hour but this is important.
Now that you’re settled…
Go to the bathroom and brush your teeth. You’re distracted. I want you undistracted. I’ll wait.
- 3 MINUTES LATER –
You just spent those three minutes trying hard to hang on to the image you began to see.
If I allowed you to see it and restart telling Me about it three times, do you think I would wake you up only to let you forget it? And you spent those three minutes in your natural mind trying to decipher what it meant. Did you not think we would discuss it?
Close your eyes and listen. What were you seeing?
I am in a big room and I’m looking up at the ceiling. There are millions of eyes and they are filling the ceiling in a dome. It is like the ceiling is a glass dome and a million eyes are watching from every direction.
Walk around that room and see if there is any position you can find where you can hide from view of the eyes.
There’s nothing in the room. It’s completely empty.
There is a door that was behind me where I was standing and if I go across the room, all the way to the other side, there is another door but both of the doors are locked.
What else do you notice?
There are no windows. The walls and the floor are white and smooth. It’s almost like it’s all made of white… I would say like dry erase boards, but it’s not shiny at all.
It is not warm or cold in the room. It is as though there is no atmosphere to feel. It’s a strange sensation. It’s like being in a sensory deprivation room. I touch the walls and the floor and I can’t describe what they’re made of. There is no texture. I can’t even say it feels smooth. It’s not rough. Somehow, it’s just that I’m aware it’s there, but it is not actually there.
I don’t understand.
Stay in that room and keep describing it.
I can’t touch the ceiling. It’s too high. It seems close enough to touch, but when I reach up, it feels higher. I’ve moved to one of the corners because it is domed, so I thought I would be close enough to touch the corner of the ceiling, but when I reach up, it is like an illusion how near it appears, because it’s far too high for me to reach even if I were to jump. And there is absolutely NOTHING in the room I can use to climb on.
Try to open the door.
I can’t. There is no handle.
Not that door. Go back to the other side of the room.
That door has a handle. But ssomehow, I have no desire to touch it. Do you want me to try to open that door?
No. I am the only one who should touch that door.
Oh. I see.
Describe the room.
There’s nothing else to describe. I don’t understand what You mean.
Why are you getting tears in your eyes?
I don’t know. I’ve been typing for I don’t know how long and I have no idea if my hands are even on the home keys and for all I know, I’m going to have to figure out a bunch of jibberish when I open my eyes at this point.
You’re distracted by that part of this exercise? Open your eyes and describe your errors.
Somehow has two s’s at the beginning and jibberish is spelled ibberish. No, it’s not spelled ibberish, it’s misspelled. It was supposed to be gibberish.
Leave that the way it is to remind you that when I ask you to act in faith, I know what I’m doing.
Close your eyes again, go back in the room in your mind, and continue describing the room to Me. In as vivid detail as you can describe.
HOW much more is there to say?
Keep looking. Pay attention to everything.
Whoa.
I just looked down and I can’t see my body. I know I’m there because I’m aware the walls are white, even though I can’t feel them and I’m aware I’m in the room, but… I can’t run my fingers through my hair.
I don’t have clothes, which is not so very weird considering I don’t see a body. It would probably be weird if I could see clothing, but no body wearing it.
Am I actually in a room?
You are. Keep describing it.
There is no sound. It is completely silent.
Pay attention… is it truly silent?
Yes.
So you are alone?
It doesn’t feel like it.
Why not?
Well, there are only like about a million eyes in the ceiling and those have to belong to someone.
How do you know it is not just a pattern on the dome ceiling?
Because no matter which corner of the room I go to, they are following me.
How does that make you feel?
Oddly amused.
When you asked me to find a place to hide, I was moving all over the room and always aware of the eyes, I became aware that they were tracking my steps.
That sounds frightening.
You would think. As I hear myself describing it, I think if I was telling anyone else about this room, they would think it was highly disturbing. But it’s not. It’s confusing, but not disturbing.
Do you want to escape from the room?
No. That’s weird. I don’t.
Do you want to sit down?
Where would I sit?
Try. Try to sit down.
Take a deep breath and describe what you are experiencing right now.
It’s so loud, it’s almost deafening. It’s overwhelming.
I can see my knees. I’m wearing maroon leggings. And my “What a God” sweatshirt. That’s what I’m wearing right now.
Keep talking. What else do you see?
How can I describe everything and nothing all at the same time?
I have an awareness that people are crowding in all around me. They are touching me from every side. There are little children… is that Mokshith? He is standing next to my knee with his hand on my knee looking up into my eyes with those big beautiful brown eyes and that full head of black hair. He has a look of confused sadness on his face. I think he wonders why I am crying.
Why are you crying? Keep describing the room.
There are a lot of faces of so many people I love and there are so many other faces of people I’ve never met before. The room is SO full, there is nowhere to go. IT is packed, body to body, and it is deafeningly loud.
So many voices and yet I cannot decipher one of them.
Look up. What do you see?
The ceiling.
Describe it.
It is white, like the room used… no, not like the room used to be.
It is not bright white, it is dingy. It’s like the white drop ceiling of the high school with fluorescent bulbs in it.
Where are the eyes?
They aren’t there anymore.
Stand up, Baby Girl.
I… I can’t.
Why? Is someone holding you down?
No. I’m trying.
Then why can’t you stand up?
It’s like I’m paralyzed. This chair is like an old wooden chair from an old schoolhouse. Rustic and roughly planned. It’s like one that was in the little old schoolhouse at the pioneer village. I only mention that because my hands are on either side of the chair and I’m trying hard to push myself up. My arms have a little strength in them, but I feel like if I was to manage to get myself up off this chair, my legs would collapse from under me and I would end up on a pile on the floor.
Aiden is standing next to my left knee now, looking up at me with the same concern as Mokshith. I want to stop crying because the sadness in both of their eyes is breaking my heart and there’s nothing I can do. For some reason, my hands are just on the side of this chair trying to get myself to stand.
Reach out your hands and take hold of theirs. And stand.
If I can’t stand up pushing off this chair, how will an 8-year-old and a 17-month-old be able to….
Why am I arguing? You’re God.
Where are the kids?
They are gone.
Where are you?
I’m standing.
Describe the room.
It is EXACTLY as it was before I sat down. Clean, silent, white, and I can no longer see myself or anyone else.
What about the ceiling?
It’s the dome of eyes again.
Nothing has changed. Nothing.
Something did change…
No, it didn’t.
Yes, this is very different.
I could hardly breathe and there were so many people and so much sound it was deafening.
They are still there.
Where?
Think hard, Baby. What changed?
I sat down.
What did I tell you about sitting down?
Don’t.
Don’t. Don’t even THINK about sitting down.
Yesterday, what happened?
I got my LLC, my EIN taxpayer number, and opened a ministry bank account.
We had some agreements you started wondering about. Tell Me about that.
You told me this ministry wasn’t going to cost my family anything. I thought about that as my husband brought me the money I forgot at home to open the account with. I wondered when I would be able to pay him back for what He has allowed me to borrow from the family budget to do this all.
Did I tell you that it would not cost your family anything?
Yes.
Then why are you wondering about the timeline? Is My timing the same as yours?
No.
No.
When you start to wonder about the timeline of Me making good on my promises, you sit down. How is the view from there?
Horrible.
You started reasoning through more than that. What did you start reasoning through?
Well, the tax attorney I met with last month advised me to take a salary as soon as the ministry was capable of paying one because what I am doing now - borrowing from family funds and not being paid - is not sustainable in the long run.
He said that when you are giving away all your time, resources, and money, that can only happen so long before you run out of funds and the ministry dies out.
How long?
You have no answer.
What did I tell you?
“Your family will be more than fine financially.”
Specifically, what have I told you about the sales of books?
The ones You write will pay for ministry expenses and the ones I wrote will support my family.
How will you know, when the books have sold, which funds go where?
You had me open a dedicated Amazon account for the DSM books, so any money from the books that are already published will go to the family Amazon bank account and any funds from the others will go into the DSM account.
Do you believe I would have set it up that way if the sales of your other books would not be sufficient to help with the other way I said you would be helping to support your family?
What was the other way I told you that you would be continuing to financially support your family?
You said that I would continue working as an organizer and caregiver.
Yes.
What did you tell your banker today after your husband dropped off the money to open the account with?
I can’t wait until I can pay our family back and have the family finances and the ministry finances completely separate.
Then what did you mention to your ministry partner?
That someday, I would have my clients start paying DSM and just take a salary so that no matter how much or little I worked, I would have the same baseline income that my husband could expect to come into the family budget.
You’ve been sick and couldn’t work all this week. How much will you be paid for helping your clients this week?
Nothing.
How much have you done for the ministry this week?
I got the LLC and bank account set up and was able to do my final edits on the book.
But you’re not being paid for that?
No.
Do you want to be paid for that?
No.
You are still driving your client’s car. Do you still believe I will provide you with a car?
Yes.
When?
In Your timing.
Do you still believe that your family will be more than fine financially?
Yes.
If you deposit money from your caregiving and organizing into DSM and draw a check from there, are your family finances separate from the ministry?
I suppose not.
Close your eyes again. What do you see?
Eyes and white.
That is because you are standing in My presence.
If you start REASONING in your natural mind what you are doing… if you start taking the advice of tax attorneys and bankers on what you should do… you are CHOOSING to sit down, and you have now experienced the INTERNAL chaos and weakness that causes.
You’re still thinking it. Say it.
My ministry partner has put in a LOT of work, day after day, after week, after month…
Do you not think I have a plan for her?
If you stay standing… if you continue standing in My presence, you will know exactly when you need to know what My plan is for her. Do you understand?
I do.
We have 34 minutes left of our normally scheduled appointment. Grab your Bible. Sit where you normally do and let’s read.
You won’t always be so unskilled. I won’t always need to remind you to stay standing. I needed you to FEEL what I meant. Remember, in your words, not Mine… “It’s so loud, it’s almost deafening. It’s overwhelming. I can see my knees. I’m wearing maroon leggings. And my “What a God” sweatshirt. That’s what I’m wearing right now.”
When you sit down, you become aware of yourself. If you are aware of yourself, that is a sign you are sitting. As soon as you become aware of yourself, STAND. The longer you sit, the harder it will be to stand back up.
“I have an awareness that people are crowding in all around me. They are touching me from every side. There are little children… is that Mokshith? He is standing next to my knee with his hand on my knee looking up into my eyes with those big beautiful brown eyes and that full head of black hair. He has a look of confused sadness on his face. I think he wonders why I am crying.”
When you sit down and become aware of yourself, others become aware of you and take on your emotions. What have I told you about your emotions?
To treat them as I would lights on the dashboard. When I become aware of them, bring them to You to resolve them.
When you don’t bring them to Me to resolve them, all of those people around you who care about you become concerned and they want to resolve them. But they can’t. Bring them to Me.
“IT is packed, body to body, and it is deafeningly loud. So many voices and yet I cannot decipher one of them.”
You want to correct that T and make it lowercase. Don’t. This is not too bad considering you wrote it all without looking. Leave it as is.
When you sit down and all those people around you who care about you are trying to help you resolve the emotions they are seeing, it gets loud. It gets confusing and you forget about the agreements You and I already decided on how we were going to handle certain situations. Don’t, Baby Girl. Don’t sit down.
You have 15 minutes left until the alarm to go back to bed goes off. I woke you up early and you’re trying to recover from this illness and you have your prayer meeting in three hours. Don’t worry, going to bed right now isn’t going to accomplish anything for you that finishing this time with Me can.
I am glad you have corrected your diet. That will help your body heal. Let’s not go back to the foolish way you were consuming foods a month ago. Remember that, while all things are permissible, not all things are beneficial.
LOVE you,
Daddy
Psalm 62:5-7
