Fish on the Deck
Baby Girl,
Have a seat. Notice I’m asking you to SIT more than STAND these days. Every time I tell you to stand, your enthusiasm kicks in - you jump up and start running around doing everything you think I mean… when I simply said, “STAND.” You obviously think you’ve got more skin in the game than you do. I’m not calling you to put on a cape and save the world. I’m calling you to put on the full armor, stand, and face the enemy so you will have a front row seat to watch the enemy’s defeat.
I see you. You’re all armored up. I know you’re anxious because you see your daughter surrounded on all four sides by demonic forces with no armor at all. You KNOW firsthand the pain involved in taking counsel from the enemy. He had you on your knees begging Me dozens of times to put you out of your misery. I know you would do anything to keep your children from experiencing that level of hopelessness. But, Baby, she’s got freewill just like you.
When you asked Me for a family, you thought your love would be enough to keep them out of trouble. You’re now understanding on a micro-level the heart of your Daddy. Take what you are feeling for your wayward daughter, multiply that exponentially, and that is My heart for the world. I sent my Son not to condemn the world but to save it, and yet they reject Him because of what they perceive they will lose if they accept Him. Your daughter has rejected a substantial gift you offered to continue walking down a harmful path. Let it go. That was her decision, not yours. You must also let her go.
You asked Me how to walk through this season, being confident that she is in My hands and that I will have the victory in her life, without standing in judgment or sitting in willful denial of what’s going on. I’m going to explain in a word picture because those always seem to effectively make a point with you.
Picture a pier by the ocean with a fish flopping around on the deck. That fish is out of its element and it can only survive so long without water but, rather than jumping back into the ocean, it continues to flop around on the deck. YOU know what’s best for that fish. That fish NEEDS to live in the water! Now, you can try throwing that fish back in the water but, unless it chooses to stay there, it will end up right back on that deck.
How should you walk through this season? Stay nearby but get your eyes off the fish and focus on Me. Staying nearby, you will be aware of her condition and you will be close enough to help should she ask for help… ONLY if she asks for help. She is technically an adult, and you need to respect that boundary.
Boundaries are good. Just as she deserves to have boundaries like you can’t tell her what to do, you need to have boundaries around the level of financial support you will offer her based on the wisdom of her choices. You are technically done raising her, and providing for herself technically is her job. The fact that you are still providing so much is a gift of LOVE, not an obligation.
Healthy boundaries with young adults do not say, “You cannot do A, B, or C.” That is CONTROL and you no longer have control of them. You only have control over yourself and your property. Healthy boundaries say, “If you do A, B, or C, I will no longer provide X, Y, or Z.” Healthy boundaries are good - set them and enforce them. When you have a child who is behaving in irresponsible ways and you are too codependent to set healthy boundaries, it’s like laying fish food on the deck. If you make the deck too comfortable, she could die there without ever getting back in the water.
It's hard to watch your kids making poor choices or, as in this analogy, flopping around on the deck. I have to do it every day… WITH YOU. But look how you turned out! You’ve turned out okay and she will, too. When you talk to Me about your kids, know that I also see them flopping on the deck. When you talk to Me about what you see with your natural eyes, it’s music to the enemy’s ears! He loves to hear you worrying about it because worry shows him your eyes are no longer on Me.
Thank Me for your daughter’s freedom from all her poor choices. Thank Me for the wisdom I will give her when she calls out to Me and asks for wisdom. Thank Me for her coming salvation and baptism. Thank Me for the hunger for My Word I will birth in her. Thank Me for her coming testimony of what I’ve brought her through.
You spent your fair share of time flopping around on the deck and YOU had to decide when enough was enough. Thank Me for the people I will put in her life, just like I put people in yours, to remind her she has a Daddy who LOVES her, and she doesn’t have to flounder when I sent My Son to set her free.
Take a deep breath. Everything is okay. This is a season and it will pass. Keep your eyes fixed on Me.
Daddy
Isaiah 26:3
